Do you over-apologize too often?
Do you find yourself saying, “I’m sorry” for this and “I’m sorry” for that, multiple times in a day or even in an hour, while around others? Why is that do you think? Have you heard of the Sorry Syndrome? The over-apologizing ritual, like so many habits in life, often happens at a subconscious level — this is what's known as the Sorry Syndrome. Fortunately, mindfully noticing this tendency frees us to create more intentional, accurate responses.
I remember apologizing to a gentleman one time coming in the door at a store the same time I was going out and he stopped me and said, “Why are you apologizing? No need dear, you did nothing wrong.” My jaw dropped. But he WAS RIGHT! We are so accustomed to saying sorry all the time. We start our sentences with “I’m sorry…” I’m sorry to the server when our dinner order is incorrect, I’m sorry for not responding quicker, and I’m sorry for trying to get your attention. The list goes on and on.
Why do we do this? There’s some belief in the psychology community that it could be due to low self-esteem, lack of assertiveness, empathy & sensitivity, people-pleasing, perfectionism, feeling uncomfortable in situations or even apologizing because others can’t for themselves. A decade-old study suggests that women tend to apologize more than men. And you may even recall the viral 2017 commercial from Pantene that brought this phenomenon to light. Unfortunately, we see that women tend to engage in this behavior more often than men, especially in patriarchal societies. More often than not women doubt their abilities, behaviors, and values. This can manifest behaviorally through over-apologizing. Sound familiar?
I have a friend, in addition to a client, who is experiencing and noticing this increase right now too. I do this often and I’m noticing it more and more lately. I’m not sure of the exact cause behind why it’s increased for me, but I know I don’t like it. So, I will start a little challenge with myself to notice and temper this behavior hopefully. Want to join me? I’m going to take it on for a week.
Put a rubber band on your wrist…Ah, yes you’ve heard of this torture. 🤣 It doesn’t have to be very painful. It’s more of an annoyance, just like the habit you are trying to break. Next time you catch yourself apologizing unnecessarily, lift the rubber band and make it snap against your wrist. Notice how many times in an hour or in a day you snap that band. How many times are you saying “Ouch!” Cutting a lousy habit requires effort and can take time. However, this one will be worth it!
Empower yourself with dynamic & intentional communication!