Living with Grief: Why You Don't Just Lose Someone Once
Yesterday February 18th marked thirty-four years since my father passed away from an enlarged heart. I was 18 years old. I often remember thinking I wasn't going to make it out of the darkness and sadness that gripped me often. Looking back, I realize now, I didn't handle that grief in the healthiest of ways. There was a lot of partying, unhealthy relationships and pushing down of emotions. But somehow I got through it.
Through years of therapy, learning, personal growth & development I've come to grieve him in much healthier ways. I think of the good times. I listen to lots of music that brings me close to his memory. And I just find humor in some of the crazy ways he used to parent and live his life. I find comfort in knowing how much he was loved by so many. And I know I learned how to love and care deeply from him. Even at age 18 he never let me leave the house without a big hug. I sure do miss those.
Many of us suffer loss. And it's hard to find the words or even be with those strong emotions and soul-crushing sadness. I've learned the best way is to just feel it...ALL OF IT.
It's ok to cry and be sad, as often as you need to. And I've also found that this poem has supported me through many losses over the past couple of years. Hopefully, it may offer you comfort too when you are feeling grief and loss.
You Don’t Just Lose Someone Once
by Donna Ashworth
You lose them over and over,
sometimes many times a day.
When the loss, momentarily forgotten,
creeps up,
and attacks you from behind.
Fresh waves of grief as the realization hits home,
they are gone.
Again.
You don’t just lose someone once,
you lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn,
and as you awaken,
so does your memory,
so does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart,
they are gone.
Again.
Losing someone is a journey,
not a one-off.
There is no end to the loss,
there is only a learned skill on how to stay afloat,
when it washes over.
Be kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea,
they have a journey ahead of them,
and a daily shock to the system each time they realize, they are gone,
Again.
You don’t just lose someone once,
you lose them every day,
for a lifetime.